


Idiots

by Raequaza



Category: Free!
Genre: Happy Ending, I promise, It Gets Better, M/M, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 01:08:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1725626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raequaza/pseuds/Raequaza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unable to confess your love is one of the hardest things in life, especially if you swear the one you love is in love with someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this about four months ago...but just couldn't get what I wanted to write out. Hopefully this isn't too terrible, and shows the emotion I was meaning for it to show. 
> 
> About the ambiguous relationship involving Haruka. I've left it for you the reader to decide what YOU want to see. I didn't have a pairing in mind when I wrote it, so you can think of whoever you want! Makoto, Rin, Nitori, Pool-chan! I don't care, have fun with it! Whatever is in your head that you want as a pairing, that's what it is.

It had happened so fast. One day I saw him as my closest friend, and the next day I wanted to be more. I don’t know how it happened; I had always thought of myself as straight before I met him. I had always dreamed of getting married and starting a family when I was older. My younger fantasies always contained a beautiful wife and two children that took more after their mother, but one had my hair colour. However, those fantasies began to slip away when I acknowledged how I felt about _him_. Now they were replaced by a small house and him with me, rather than a woman. No child, as that was biologically impossible, but we would talk of adoption.  
            This wasn’t to say that all my fantasies were so innocent. It had never been much of an occurrence before I met him, waking up hard or with soiled sheets. Now was different, and led me to have to change my sheets more times than I would care to admit. The dreams were always sensual rather than kinky, but they still merged into something a bit more then sensual every once in a while. There was one evening I swore it was so real that I woke up and was incredibly disappointed to not see him laying beside me.  
            I knew I had to get myself under control though. There was no way in hell he would ever go for me. I was just his friend, and I was sure I caused him more problems than not. He would never tell me I did, of course, but I knew it was probably true. It would have been so easy to ask him out too, since I knew he wasn’t straight, but he had his eyes set on another. It was almost painful, watching them interact all the time. I wanted nothing more than to pull him away and say that he was mine and that no one else could have him. If I did though, that would surely ruin our friendship forever; and I valued that more than anything.  
            So I will sit on the sidelines, rooting for my friend to get the courage to ask his beloved out. It couldn’t hurt to try, and even if he was rejected, I would always be there to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and mend them in any way possible.  
            After all, I’d do anything for Rei-chan.  
  


  
            I had fallen so deeply in love with someone, that I wasn’t sure what was up from down anymore. They had my heard racing at the slightest glance. I had always figured emotions this strong were for the movies, or for fairytales that mothers would tell their daughters. It was all I could do to contain my excitement when we spent time together, and it was even more of a challenge not to burst when he spoke to me, just one on one. I didn’t want to scare him, nor did I want it to end our friendship. I was enthralled to learn, when the swim team found out I was gay, that no one cared or thought it weird. Everyone accepted me, but I knew that if I were to express my feelings for a certain individual, it could get rather tense and uncomfortable for the team.  
             I did have dreams of being with him though. There were dreams of confessions and dreams of a future together. Those dreams focused on living in a small house by the sea, not far from our friends and family, but far enough away where we could just be ourselves. I knew that gays weren’t exactly smiled upon everywhere in Japan, so it would be ideal to have our own space where we could forget what the rest of the world thought.  
            I don’t want to admit the countless less than innocent dreams that had started since I fell in love. It was embarrassing, and after a particularly vivid one, where I woke up calling his name as I came-thank god my parents hadn’t been home-, but I couldn’t look at him all day because of it.  
            It was all for not though. He didn’t like me back, how could he? He never showed any interest in boys, so it was a safe conclusion to say he was straight. I also had my suspicions that he had fallen for our manager. The way he talked to her, and how much time they spent together, it wouldn’t be a surprise to me if they started dating in the near future.  
            I would be the supportive friend, for both of them, but slowly slide out of the picture. He wouldn’t need me hanging around when they had each other, and it would just be so hard to bear seeing them together. I couldn’t have him, but she could. I don’t want to say I’m jealous of her, but I am. I am jealous that she has his love, and she might not even want it. I won’t dwell on the matter. All I can do is watch him be happy.  
            That’s all I’d ever want for my beloved Nagisa.  
  
  
  
            It was almost hard for Makoto to watch his two friends dance around each other. He knew that Rei was madly in love with Nagisa; that was extremely obvious. He also had a feeling that Nagisa had romantic feelings for Rei as well, even if the small blond never said anything to him. However, he knew-as both had mentioned it in secret to him-that they thought the other was in love with someone else. Nagisa swore up and down that Rei was in love with Rin, while Rei sorrowfully admitting to being jealous of the time Nagisa spent with Gou.  
            Makoto had no idea why Nagisa thought that Rei was in love with Rin, but he figured it had something to do with Rei spending more time around him as Nagisa chatted around to everyone else. He figured the only reason Rei spent so much time close to Rin was because together they could talk about theory for the perfect butterfly stroke. He sort of understood where Rei was coming from, thinking Nagisa was in love with Gou. He always talked about girls he thought were cute, and once even mentioned how cute he thought Gou was. Makoto knew Nagisa would never make a move on Gou however, as they all kind of thought of her as a sister of sorts; Also Rin would probably maim anyone who got remotely close to Gou in that sense, even if it was Nagisa.  
            He was watching them now, Nagisa was talking to Gou about his time, and Rei was stretching. While he was doing so, he kept glancing over at the two huddled close together. Makoto could tell there was pain in his eyes from all of Nagisa’s attention being on Gou. What Rei hadn’t seen was Nagisa watching him before he started talking to Gou, looking like he wanted nothing more than to run over and be with Rei.  
            “They’re idiots.”  
            Haru had mumbled his words so only Makoto, who was above him on the pool deck, had heard him. Makoto sighed and turned his attention to focus on the raven haired male floating near him. “Leave them be. They’ll figure it out for themselves.”  
            “They should just say how they feel.”  
            Makoto smiled down at the blue-eyed male in the water. “I seem to recall it took quite some time before you admitted your feelings for –.”  
            Haruka had dived back underwater, splashing a bit of water Makoto’s face. He watched his embarrassed friend swim off and laughed; Haru could be absolutely adorable when he was being shy. He turned back to his other two friends and sighed. Maybe they did need a friendly push in the right direction, but that was not Makoto’s place to decide. He’d let them be, and just watch them from the sidelines. Hoping and praying they finally realize how the other has felt this whole time.

 

     Rei wanted to scream. There was nothing that made him more anxious then the train rides home with Nagisa. After a long afternoon of rigorous swimming practice, Nagisa would take a nap on his shoulder. Today was no different; he was laying his read on Rei’s shoulder, handkerchief under him so he wouldn’t get drool on Rei’s school jacket. The only difference today, was that he seemed to be having a restless nap. He kept muttering under his breath, and Rei couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. It carried on like this until suddenly Nagisa grabbed a hold of his jacket. “Rei-chan...”  
            He looked down at the smaller male, wondering if he was awake now. He wasn’t, but his brow was furrowed as he slept on. “I love...”  
            Rei expected some food to be said next, as he did generally talk about food, but then he froze. What if he was confessing his love for Gou to him in his sleep? It would make sense that Nagisa would confide in his feelings for someone to his friend. Rei had broken down and mentioned how he felt about Nagisa to Rin at one point at time. All Rin had done was patted him on the shoulder and told him to hang in there; it would all work out somehow. Rei didn’t tell Rin he thought Nagisa was in love with Gou though, he wanted to spare his closest friend Rin’s wrath.  
            Panicking that Nagisa might actually be saying he loved Gou, he shook his friend awake. A bleary-eyed Nagisa blinked up at him. “Rei-chan? Is something wrong?”  
            Rei looked away, the face he was making was absolutely too adorable. “You looked like you were having a bad dream.”  
            “Oh,” Nagisa scooted over a bit, away from Rei. “I was having a really good dream, actually.”  
            “My apologies then.”  
            The rest of the train ride was silent. Nagisa only spoke up when his stop was coming up. “Are you...Do you have plans for the weekend?”  
            “Homework.”  
            Nagisa laughed. “Right, of course that’s what you’d be doing on the weekend,” he paused, looking like he was still figuring out what he wanted to say. “Do you think you could maybe help me with my math?”  
            “Of course, I’d love to help. Come by my house tomorrow and I will help you as best as I can.”  
            “Hooray! Rei-chan is the best!” He got up and headed to the door. As soon as the train stopped he waved goodbye to his friend and hopped out. Rei watched him walk away until he could no longer see him. He sighed stood up, as his stop was next. He knew this couldn’t go on, lying to Nagisa like this. He wanted to let him know how he felt, but that would potentially break his heart due to the response he was liable to receive, not to mention the strain it would put on their friendship. As Rei stepped off the train, he made up his mind. He would figure out how Nagisa felt about Gou, and if he truly did love her as he suspected, then he wouldn’t tell Nagisa how much he loved him. If by some slim chance he didn’t like her or any other girl, then Rei would tell him. It was the most ideal way to do things, regardless of the outcome. This way, he would know for certain and it could give his heart some closure. It would take some time to heal, but he knew he would be able to do it.  
  


  
The next afternoon, Nagisa arrived all smiles with snacks in hand. Rei’s parents were just heading to work, but greeted the blond as they headed out the door. Rei led Nagisa to his room, who promptly jumped on Rei’s bed. He sprawled out, mentioning like always how comfortable Rei’s bed was. Rei couldn’t look at him; not when he wanted nothing more than to crawl over the shorter male and kiss him until he forgot how to breathe.  
            He refrained, of course, and started setting up his table with their books. He even got in the habit of making sure the snacks were readily available for Nagisa to munch on. When everything was set up, Nagisa slunk off Rei’s bed and sat down at the table. He opened up a package of pocky and started nibbling. Rei started with math, as Nagisa said he needed help with that the most. As it turned out, he needed help with science too. It was well into the evening by the time they were finished. Rei had caved and split the bill for a pizza with Nagisa. Usually he didn’t eat a lot of processed food, but once in a while couldn’t hurt.  
            Rei was trying to figure out how to broach the subject of Nagisa’s possible feelings for Gou, when he spoke up. “Hey Rei-chan, can I ask you something?”  
            “O-Of course Nagisa-kun. You can ask me anything.”  
            “Do you have anyone you like?”  
            Rei looked down at the table, to afraid to look up. “D-Do you, Nagisa-kun?”  
            It was quiet for a moment, both of them dreading what the other could say. Nagisa broke the silence, with a quiet, “I do.”  
            Rei nodded. “I do as well.”  
            Nagisa nodded and packed up his books. “That’s good Rei-chan. I hope you two can be happy.”  
            Rei started to clean up the garbage from their snacks, holding back tears. “Y-You as well, Nagisa-kun. I hope you can Kou-san will be happy.”  
            Nagisa froze. “I don’t like Gou-chan.”  
            Rei nearly dropped the bag of garbage he was holding. “I’m sorry, I made an assumption. You two just seemed so close and so....right for each other.”  
            Nagisa shook his head. “No, I don’t love Gou-chan, though she is a very pretty girl,” he let out a bit of a forced laugh. “It’s funny. You thought I was in love with a Matsuoka, and you are in love with a Matsuoka.”  
            Rei did drop the bag. “I beg your pardon?”  
            Nagisa looked up at him. “Do you not love Rin-chan?”  
            Rei sputtered. “Of course not! He is simply an upperclassman who I look up to. I’ve never once had the slightest feeling either than friendship for Rin-san.”  
            They were both silent for a while; neither of them expected the responses to be no. They turned to each other, but couldn’t look into the other’s eyes. In unison they both asked, “Then who do you like?!”

 

            It had been a little over a week since that night at Rei’s place. Neither of the boys wanted to admit who they really liked, so Nagisa left. They still sat together on the train and interacted briefly during practice, but it was tense. Both were hurt in more than one way. They thought the other could trust them with any secret, and yet the biggest secret remained hidden. On the other hand, they did actually like someone, and it wasn’t an assumption that they were feelings for someone. Rei had no idea what girl Nagisa had set his eyes on, but thinking about it too much hurt more then he could bear. Nagisa had to rethink who Rei would fall for, coming to a conclusion that it was either Makoto or Haru. It had to be someone on the swim team, or else he figured Rei wouldn’t care so much about him knowing who it was. The more he thought about it, the more he remembered all those times that Rei had called Haruka’s swimming beautiful. It made sense to him then, that Haruka was really the one Rei was in love with; after all Rei did like beautiful things.  
            He didn’t even know why he thought he would ever have a chance to be with Rei in the first place. Sure Rei didn’t outwardly object to him clinging onto him, but Nagisa had noticed that he was becoming uncomfortable the more he touched him. There was also the case of his lack of beauty. Rei had mentioned a few times that he only liked beautiful things, and Nagisa sure as hell didn’t think he fell into that category. He was short, loud, ungraceful, and bubbly. That wasn’t what he thought of when he thought ‘beautiful’. He thought quiet, reserved, and graceful; basically everything Haru was. Nagisa didn’t even realise tears were falling from his eyes until arms wrapped around him in a tight hug.  
            “Nagisa, what’s wrong?”  
            Makoto’s voice didn’t bring him much comfort. He just clung onto his uniform and buried his face into the taller male’s chest. They were in the change room just before class. Rei was running a bit behind because a teacher asked him to put away supplies. He let out a choked sob, the first one since he realised that he had feelings for Rei. Makoto held him close, trying to be supportive, but not knowing what to say to the blond male. He wasn’t even certain what Nagisa was crying about, but that hardly mattered.  
            “-ve hm”  
            Makoto looked down at the blond male whose face was stilled pressed to his chest. “Sorry Nagisa, I didn’t quite catch that.”  
            Nagisa pulled back to he could be heard better. “I said, I love-”  
            At that moment, Rei had entered the change room. He froze, staring at the two locked in an embrace. They turned to look at him, and Rei saw the tears falling from his eyes. He looked away, hurt by the sight of Nagisa crying and wanting nothing more than to push Makoto aside and hug Nagisa himself. Not that he thought it would do much. In fact it might hurt him more. The embrace his two friends were sharing, plus what he heard before he opened the door all but confirmed that Nagisa probably had a thing for Makoto. He had thought the boy straight, but apparently that wasn’t entirely the case. He could feel his eyes burning, his own tears threatening to fall.  
            “I’m sorry for interrupting. I’ll leave you two alone.”  
            He quickly turned around and headed away from the room as fast as he could. Makoto looked back at Nagisa who looked more distraught then he had before. He moved away from Makoto.  
            “Rei-chan, wait! Please....”  
            He didn’t move, fear coursing through him. What if he made things worse if he went after Rei? What if they stopped being friends because of it? He didn’t hear Makoto come up behind him, but he certainly felt the shove that was delivered. He turned to his older friend. “Mako-chan? Why-”  
            “Go after him. Don’t question it, just go.”  
            Nagisa stood frozen for only a few seconds more before he ran out the door calling after Rei. Makoto watched his friend down the hall before closing the door. He sighed and sat down on the bench sighing; he hoped he helped, rather than made things worse. A wet hand was placed on his shoulder.  
            “They’ll be fine.”  
            “How much of that did you see, Haru-chan?”  
            Haru shrugged and took his hand off Makoto’s shoulder. “Enough,” he started heading back towards the pool. “Kou is getting anxious and told me to tell everyone to hurry up,” he paused at the door before frowning lightly. “and don’t put ‘chan’ with my name!”  
            Makoto laughed lightly as Haruka made his way back to the pool. He got up and started changing for practise.  
  
  
  
            Nagisa ran past people as he headed towards the train station. Rei’s shoes were gone from his locker, so Nagisa figured he left to go home. There weren’t usually many people on the train at this time, so it wasn’t hard to spot Rei waiting at the station. In fact, at the current moment he was the only one there. Nagisa ran full out towards Rei, grabbing Rei’s wrist and dragging him off into a corner where they couldn’t be seen.  
            “N-Nagisa-kun!? Let go of me!”  
            Nagisa shook his head and held on tighter, trying not to cry more than he had. “Why’d you leave, Rei-chan?!”  
            Rei looked away from the shorter boy. “I didn’t want to interrupt you and Makoto-san. I....I hope you two can be happy.”  
            Nagisa looked up at his friend confused before letting his wrist go. “I don’t understand...what does Mako-chan have to do with anything?”  
            Rei was getting a bit frustrated now. He didn’t appreciate being made a fool of. “I obviously walked in on you confessing your love to Makoto-san! I heard you say love, so don’t try to tell me otherwise,” he had to take a second to breathe and compose himself before he broke. “I applaud your courage to confess to the one you love. I wish you two the best.”  
            Nagisa shoved him against the wall behind him, startling him. Nagisa started crying again, and lightly beating his fists against Rei’s chest. “Stupid Rei-chan! You don’t understand anything!”  
            Rei was all but frozen in place. He didn’t know why Nagisa had shoved him, or why he was being hit-though it didn’t hurt. “N-Nagisa-kun? Why are you-”  
            “Mako-chan isn’t the one I like! It’s you! You’re the one I like, Rei-chan!”  
            Rei swore time stopped in that moment. The words he only dreamed about Nagisa saying were coming out of his mouth in reality. If he didn’t feel Nagisa’s fists on his chest, he may have thought he _was_ dreaming. He moved and wrapped his arms around Nagisa, to hold him closer than he had ever dared. Nagisa stopped hitting him, but didn’t move to return the embrace. “R-Rei-chan?”  
            The composure he had before finally broke down, and he allowed the tears to flow freely. “Nagisa-kun,” he felt the blond tense, but he continued. “I wanted to tell you, for so long, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. You’re so important to me, and I didn’t want my confession to ruin our friendship. I always thought you were straight, which is why I was so shocked and upset about you hugging Makoto and I just...I’m sorry! For not noticing and for not telling you how I felt in the first place,” he held on tighter, trembling slightly. “I love you, Nagisa.”  
            Nagisa let Rei’s words run through his head a few times before he moved. He moved his arms to wrap around Rei. He buried his face in Rei’s chest and let himself tear up again. He moved back so he could see Rei’s face. He reached up and wiped a tear off Rei’s cheek. “Look at us, we’re both a mess.”  
            Rei chuckled lightly and wiped the tears off Nagisa’s cheeks before making sure his own tears had stopped. “We’re both idiots.”  
            Nagisa laughed at Rei’s comment. He moved his hands to place them on Rei’s shoulders. “But you’re my idiot.”  
            Rei smiled and leant down to press his lips to Nagisa’s. It was gentle and brief, but in that moment that’s all they really needed.  
  
  
  
     The next day they walked to school holding hands. They didn’t care who saw them, or what they thought about them; they were far too happy to care about societal norms or the looks they were getting from a few adults. They saw Makoto, Haruka, and Gou talking at the front gate. Nagisa called out to them, and waved with his free hand. Makoto gave them a knowing smile, and waved back at his friends. The couple approached the front gate. Rei was blushing lightly, unused to being so open about his sexuality, but not hating it entirely. Gou looked between the two before smiling. “I’ll forgive you two for skipping practise yesterday if you promise that your relationship won’t disrupt swim practise in the future.”  
            Nagisa laughed. “No problem, Gou-chan!”  
            “It’s Kou!”  
            Haruka looked seemingly uninterested, but spoke none the less. “Who confessed first?”  
            Nagisa looked at Haru before smiling. “I did, Haru-chan!”  
            Haruka nodded with a smile before heading off towards the school. Gou watched him retreat into the school, confusion on her face. “What was that about?”  
            Makoto shook his head but smiled anyway. “Your brother owes him a thousand yen.”  
            Rei sputtered looking thoroughly embarrassed and Nagisa mock gasped. “Haru-chan and Rin-chan were betting on us getting together!?” He laughed then, unable to keep up his false surprise. “Come on, Rei-chan! We should make Haru-chan and Rin-chan buy us ice cream afterschool for betting on us!”  
            Rei followed along with Nagisa, blush still gracing his cheeks, but he couldn’t help but smile fondly at the bubbly blond he fell in love with. With Nagisa’s warm hand in his, and a bright smile gracing his features, Rei didn’t think there was anything better in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Bah, maybe I didn't get all the emotion that I wanted out there....oh well. I tried. 
> 
> Thanks for reading in any case. 
> 
> Let me know if you see any spelling or grammatical mistakes I may have missed!


End file.
